“Are you okay?” I ask as I gently kiss her neck.
“Mmh.” She mumbles a barely inaudible answer, her mind seeming far away.
“You are thinking about her again.”
She goes unnaturally still in my arms.
“No. I am thinking about us.”
“Oh really?” I ask her, disbelief written all over my face.
She looks at me with a hooded expression.
“You don’t believe me?”
That surprises me. She never talks about us when we are together. To her, I am this dirty little secret, something she enjoys having by her side. I am okay with that. Personally, I am not out looking for anything that would tie me down. Being a commitment phobe, I avoid relationships like a plague.
Fuck and move on. That is what I always live by.
“I do. I do. So what about us?” I gently bite her earlobe. A little moan escapes her making me to smile. One of the many reasons I like this woman is because of her sensuality, besides her foul temper, that is. Her sex appeal is something to die for and she is an active participant in bed. She gives as much as she takes.
“Do you see a future with us?” she asks in a barely audible voice.
I go stiff in her arms.
“Future?” My voice comes out husky and strange.
“Yes baby. A future.” She turns to look at me, her eyes pleading with mine. I am momentarily speechless.
I put some distance between us by moving towards the farthest end of the bed to look at her.
“What about Ayira?” I ask.
“I’ll leave her.”
“No!” I shout as I stand up. My thoughts come at me in torrents as I pace the room in frustration. My naked skin glistens in the dull bedroom light. I turn around to look at my lover. She is looking at me intently, tears in her eyes.
I kneel down in front her.
“Look babe. Here is the thing. You can’t leave her for me. Not now. Not any day. Understood?”
“But.. but I want you,” she whines.
“No. You will not leave your wife for me. She might be away from the country but she loves you and I don’t know what I would do when another person tries to take away my lover. You get me?”
She nods in agreement. She looks so young and sweet and innocent almost docile but then again, looks are bloody deceiving.
She breaks into tears again.
I run my hands through my hair in frustration.
I pull her into an embrace and let her bury her face in my hair.
“For fuck’s sake girl, you making this hard me for me. I like you, okay? I’m just not ready for a relationship. At least not a serious one. I fucking hate commitments.”
“Sssh…” I cut her off before giving her a chance to protest. Tilting her chin up, I roughly claim her mouth in a feverish kiss. Another moan escapes her. Shit! My own sex is already wet and throbbing inside my knickers.
“I’m not happy,” she says in a barely audible voice as soon as I let go of her lips.
“I know babe. I know. But you gotta try harder.”
“I don’t want to try!” she screams at me. “Don’t you just fucking get it? I want you! You!”
“You want me for my body. You are using me for SEX. When your fucking wife arrives, you will obviously go back to her! DON’T. YOU. GET. THIS?” I snap back, my own anger already taking a hold on me.
“Aaargh!” She throws a vase against the wall. It shatters into a million pieces.
I forcefully grab her hands as soon as she reaches out to smash another vase.
“You don’t get to break things in my house.” My voice comes out harsher than I expect it to.
She flinches, as if in pain, but quickly composes herself.
“I can get to throw whatever I want. This is my lover’s house!”
“Don’t you dare me.” I know I am hurting her but I don’t care. My own anger blinds my ability to reason.
I let go of her arms and head towards the kitchen to grab a coke. When I come back, I find her banging her head on the wall.
She is talking to herself.
I set my drink down on the table and reach out to hold her. She doesn’t seem to notice me since she squeals in surprise when I kiss her neck. She turns around to face me and immediately starts hitting my shoulders.
“Babe.” She refuses to look at me. “Babe, listen.” No answer. Just muffled sobs.
Cursing, I raise her off the ground and gently lay her on the bed. Using my shoulders to support her weight, I bury my face in between her thighs.
Her moans grow louder with each stroke of my tongue. I eat her pussy slowly; alternating between long, lazy strokes and gently biting her clit with my teeth.
She grabs my hair and pins my face in her vagina while repeatedly moaning my name. Her voice turns me on. My own vagina is wet and dripping.
Her cries grow louder as I ravenously eat her to an orgasm. She lets out a small cry of wonder as her body spasms continuously.
While she is regaining her breath, I rise up to claim her mouth in a not so gentle kiss that is laced with my anger and frustration. Her nails claw at my back as she whimpers softly.
I kiss her mouth. Her nose. Her ears. I suck on a sensitive spot on her neck. She takes a deep breath before shouting out my name in wonder.
“Mmmh.” I mumble, reaching down to take one taut nipple in my mouth. Biting it gently, sucking on it like a hungry toddler. She arches her back while grabbing a fistful of my hair. “You like it huh?” I whisper into her ear as I reach up to kiss her again.
She nods, too aroused to speak. I leave a trail of kisses right from her chest to her belly before kissing her inner thighs again.
In no time, my fingers are deep inside her, tormenting her.
Her moans are broken and she is too weak to say anything. She rides my fingers like it’s her last.
I know she likes to be penetrated so I break our contact to get my dildo.
“Baabe…” she whines.
“Sssh.. I’m just getting you something you love.”
I reach out for my newest member in my wide collection of sex toys. A thick seven inch monster that cost me half of my savings. Picturing her broken pleas and the ways she always begs me to fuck her into submission, I smile to myself.
I return to find her fingers buried deep in her pussy, pleasuring herself to an orgasm. I gently remove her fingers from her clit, replacing it with my tongue.
“You don’t get to please yourself while I am here,” I reprimand her as I continue fucking her with my tongue.
“More please.” She begs, her cries growing louder and louder.
I quickly replace my tongue with my dildo. She screams as I penetrate her in one swift move, stretching her out to the hilt. My thrusts are hard and fast.
She gasps for air, begging for more like the little slut she is. I in turn give her what she wants. I rise up to take one nipple in my mouth and gently bite on it as I continue to pound her.
She bites and sucks on my neck gently.
“Fuck.” This sensation is becoming unbearable for me.
My own orgasm building up and I can tell she is ready too. We both climax at the same time which some people find weird, because I get sexual pleasure from seeing her have the big O.
Our orgasms are so strong that we are left gasping for air like dying fish.
We stay tangled for some time, our bodies glistening with sweat. My dildo is still inside her. I slowly pull it out while she moans again.
“Damn! This woman and her appetite for sex.” I chuckle lightly. We are too sated to speak or have any post-coital chit chat and in no time, she is fast asleep.
I lie awake three hours later, staring into the darkness, my mind lost in thought. I don’t want to be tied down to anyone at this moment yet this woman wants to commit herself to me. Me, a total commitment phobe? Me, the one who hates responsibility?
“No. It can’t happen…”
Tomorrow, I shall have decided on what course of action to take.
Story by Nyar Afrika is a radical feminist. Human rights defender. Activist. Writer. QUEER NON CONFORMIST. BLACK GIRL MAGIC.
Photo by Ambika Thompson.